It has been another year...

And I have been busy...very busy. And it feels empty inside because I don't have time to think. I have been doing a lot. But this time is different...I am not fearful that I am doing nonsense. Well actually, I feel that some of the things I do are nonsense. But unlike two years ago when there was uncertainty in where I am going. I know where i am headed this time.

This time, I know that this is from You
This time, I want to do better
This time, I want to try my best
This time, I know that even the seemingly useless things may be there to mould me.

This time, I have a motivation

But Lord, although I know that You have called me to where I am now, I still feel a sense of helplessness and just wanting to do just enough. Some of the things really seem unrealistic and useless. And the amount is at times too much for me to handle. And I had not been tight enough to protect that time with You. And I wish to drink from Your cup again. Please Lord, I pray for a new perspective, a burning fire to want to do this. Never, please never let this flame burn out. Because if I forget the faces of my students, if I forget their names, if I forget the purpose that I am here, what else is there for me to carry on. Sure money is a factor...but I don't think it will be enough of an incentive to pull through this. And how unhappy would I be.

Please hear my prayer. And help me change.