2009, economic head crisis

It’s 2009 already. Switched on my computer intending to study, but unknowingly drifted here. So here I am posting the latest post. The only evidence that that the person who set this blog up still exists.

A post on the blog remains as it is. It captures like a picture what a person is like. The things that is big in that person’s life at that time. Published, shown for the world to see. I am still rather skeptical of blogs as a medium of true reflection…

But life still goes on. And the distance between the posts reminds me of how I was. The person I have become, how I evolved…especially in the way I think. Life did not stop when I wrote down, ’today is the worst day in my life’, it carries on…and there will be another ‘worst day’ and the ‘greatest day of my life’ to say of. I guess I am a rather control person, a wet blanket in the sense that I must be technically correct in such things. But we don’t always have to use ‘most’,’ best’ and ‘greatest’ for almost everything. The exaggeration only demolishes the preciousness of the word. Like how people use ‘God’ so often, so carelessly. Maybe I am being too critical, but I have seen enough to be able to mutilate and use verses and Biblical terms to my own agenda. Whether it is to please myself or show how holy I can be. And that became my shame.

Of course, it’s always easier to write, type, say things than actually doing it. If writing is the first step, than please do…if not please don’t.

I am in university now. Time flies…but still I have much to learn. Wanting to run always when I could only walk…soon, a fall became inevitable. But as I lay rubbing my wounds, someone reaches out a hand. He never gives up I realized. Sometimes that’s my sole driving force. Not because I can that I keep going, but despite of me, He never gave up. Nobody knows how terrible a monster I am. Yet to someone who knows, who knows the full force of my sins…it still amazes me why He does not give up. There is no logic or reason here. I am a science person, a person who argues by logic and reason. I am one who enjoys a good agreement on reason and can often point out what others cannot see, one who enjoys finding facts and answers and reasoning human behavior. Yet Jesus…His seemingly foolishness is the very thing that can leave me dumb folded. Like the Bible said, “God uses the foolishness of the world to shame the proud”

But there’s always a human tendency to reason back again. It’s as if we feel insecure about God’s love for us if there’s not logical reason for Him to. Just can rely on His faithfulness to bring me out of this every time I fall.